The lonely

I want to speak to the lonely because I sometimes feel as though I am one of them.. I grew up as a lonely child.. Its really strange for me to say that since I have five siblings.. But sometimes when you are a child of many you are just as lonely as an only child.. I have been thinking about these little funks I get into and I am wondering if it stems back from being an lonely child.. Its very weird because I am not really an introvert. I actually love being an extrovert, but I am an internal extrovert. I find myself feeling lonely even though I am surrounded by many people. I take these moments to just reach inside internally and pinpoint these feelings I have that I cant quite articulate.. Even now I cant quite explain why I find myself to feel lonely. I sometimes look at people and they all seem to just fit into these groups of people who think alike, dress alike, and act alike.. and I don't fit.. I find myself thinking maybe that is because I grew up not fitting in with anyone.. I wasn't part of any particular group during childhood and even my youth years. I did have one best friend who I still have today, but she wasn't in school with me..

Today I came home from church.. It was amazing, and the people are amazing.. but I still found myself in this odd place of loneliness.. and I talk to God and know that He is the only one true friend I have.. He knows me, and I fit in His group.. He speaks to my lonely heart and constantly reminds me that I am not lonely.. He lives inside me, and we are one.. Its my hope and strength of being okay feeling alone at those times because if its just God and I, then that is all I really need. I can conquer and claim those feelings and cast them aside..

God always calls me closer when I feel lonely.. He is always saying draw nearer to me.. When He does that, and I listen.. Those lonely feelings disappear.. He is always showing me His perfect love towards me, that gets me out my little funks.. The lonely just want to be loved and accepted.. And God wants to love the lonely and He accepts us before we even accept Him..

Last night I was at a praise alive worship gathering and there was a word given out, and I just laughed because He is speaking to His people.. Then God showed me something again while in worship.. Focus, Focus, Focus.. I had an insanely busy week, and I missed two days of just really being in His word, and God said to me focus.. I had time to get on all my favorite websites throughout those busy days, but I didn't stop and sit down and just focus..  Focus on His word, Focus on His love, Focus on His heart, Focus on His healing refuge..

He needs to be our focus, and really consume our thoughts because just two simple days without Him had me feeling lonely today.. That is all it takes.. These are the distractions in the world to keep you away from your healing, and from seeking Him and being underneath His wings.. My favorite places our those secret places that God takes me. I desire them, and they consume me.. He takes me into those places when I am fully devoted to Him, fully focused on Him..

Last night I was thinking about those two days that I was distracted and I prayed for something I actually didn't really want to pray for.. Broken places bring me to my knees.. I want to be broken enough where I am always desiring God, and being under His wing, but not so broken where I am broken hearted. I know those places take discipline, and control, and this would be my only prayer of control is to make me OCD in those areas.. To always be living in you, not a step to right or a step to the left.. But always in your shadows..

 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.. Proverbs 3:6

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77cwl530Ngg&list=RDsY0Vz8fvIhE&index=18#