Rescue me

I'm so tired God.. I just need you to rescue me.. I'm so tired of my emotions. I'm so tired of caring. I'm so tired and yet, you keep telling me that You are worth it.. And I know you are worth it. and that is it.. I know you are worth it, but what if I say, there is so much hurt and pain, that I just want to be done fighting for people, and fighting with people, and listening to their words that make me want to cringe, but I know I really don't want to be done. I love being in your presence and the want to build your kingdom.. I'm just so done with the fighting.. I just want to sit in your circle, and bathe in your light..

Jesus knows what I am feeling. I know He was tired here. He even said  "You faithless people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you?. 

Jesus loved us, and He wanted to do the will of the Father, but He was sick of it too. He was ready to be done.. And who was He tired from.. Not the lost, but the found.. He was grieving because He had to put up with their faithlessness..

I'm just so tired of the religious words I hear come out of peoples mouth.. It literally drains me of anything I even had built up. There are two things I cant stand to hear out of a mouths of Christians.. One is when they talk about whether or not you have been baptized with the Holy Spirit, and the other one is saying what God can do through people, and they put a limit on His power through the Holy Spirit.. Its both ends of the scale and they both drive me nuts.. They both make me want to have a complete meltdown and throw down holy anger on people.. Why or why God! I hate how Satan has destroyed the church.. I hate how Satan uses people to make people want to crawl in a hole and never come out. I hate how he pushes people from the church and finding people who don't walk in religious ways.

 I just want to live in your love God. That is all I want to do. I just want to not care about the destruction of the church, but I know that is your bride, and I know you have called me to care.. Why else would I care if you haven't put it in me to care. Why would I grieve and be in complete sorrow if you didn't call me to care. Your love inside me I cant ignore, and I am attracted to doing what you do, feel what you feel, say what you say.. But you also gave me the ears to hear what destroys the body of Christ and God if this is what you feel, then I'm sorry.. I'm sorry we have destroyed your church.. I'm sorry the bride is the bridezilla.. but you still love us anyways.. You are always good God.. You are always kind to your bride, you are always love.. You are always gently correcting us God. You have always gently corrected me God.. God you are so much love and so full of love God..

God I just ask God that you help me. I ask that you help me always have grace and mercy for people.. God you have already told me that people will fail.. You have told me that the church will fail.. You have told me that there is nothing in this world that wont fail, except for love God.. God help me to love like you God, even when people fail me, even when I hear things that make me want to run, even when people make me want to hide and just cry God.  God I need to praise you and thank you.. I need to praise you for my sufferings.. I need to praise you because you loved me enough to call me to care, I need to praise you for giving me ears that hears what destroys the church.. God I just need your help with what to do with what I hear God. I want to run God, but only into your arms God.. I need you to help me learn how to take the bride of Christ and make her not zilla God.. I have nothing God. I have no idea what to do God but cry.. God show me how to love like you..